That sentence, “This book is killing me,” has passed over my lips too many times since I started writing the first book of the “Holy Sex Reboot” series. I still haven’t decided what subtitle to assign to the first installment. If I’m being honest, I’ll admit that I do not like writing non-fiction. I’d rather write fiction, even though being “successful” as an indie author is a long game, and my debut fiction novel, Newfangled, still only has 10 reviews on Amazon. *insert sigh* But that topic could easily occupy its own post.
Writing non-fiction is draining, because as my author friend said, “You always pick hard things to write about.” There’s a reason for that. I want to write about things that no one else is comfortable talking about. As an example, feel free to read this post, where I talk openly about my addiction to masturbation. Awkward to write? Definitely. But it’s the single most viewed post on my Sincerely Adorned blog. Why? Because not that many results come up when you type “what the bible says about masturbation” into the Google machine.
The thought that so many Christians, who are supposed to be liberated by the freedom found in Jesus Christ, are still in bondage to sexual immorality and sexual abuse makes me feel physically ill. That sick-to-your-stomach feelings hits me each and every time I sit down to work on this project. It’s exhausting. Every time I start writing the constant hand wringing and sighing leads my husband to ask, “What are you working on?” even though he already knows the answer. I am so thankful that he is working on this project with me, because I know that doing it alone would be impossible.
But why? Why is this project so stressful? Because I know too many people that have been hurt by misinterpretations of scripture in relation to this subject. Because I know too many men and women that we raped by so-called Christians. Because I’ve heard way too many stories of church bodies victim blaming the abused person and justifying the sins of the abuser. Because spiritual manipulation is manipulation with Jesus’ name attached and that makes me want to vomit. Whenever I work on this project, the weight of those injustices weighs me down. Soul. Crippling. Stuff.
So if you happen to read this, would you pray for me?
12,000 down, 8,000 words to go.